According to Clarissa, she was childless but turned out to actually
have three kids by three different fathers.
Joan advertised a svelte (old) picture of herself told people that
she was still 120 pounds, conveniently subtracting 40 pounds from her
true weight.
Jackie actively promoted the fact that she was completely single and
free, but in reality was recently separated and in the middle of a nasty
custody battle with her husband.
Are these ladies participating in a new kind of game show called the
"Liars' Club?" No, they're just a representative sample of average
online daters with personal profiles that are loaded with untruths, hosted
on some of the Internet's biggest dating sites. Everyday, people in various
stages of desperation log in to their accounts on Match.com, Date.com,
Yahoo Personals, eHarmony.com, or a dozen other such sites
hoping to find a message from the individual who will become their true
soul mate.
Unfortunately, very seldom does that happen. More than likely, contact
with an online stranger will lead to nothing but another disappointment.
Such is the state of affairs in the relatively new phenomenon of online
dating.
Some prominent online directories, noting the genre's many deficiencies,
are taking action. Popular Web site CityBook.com's
Online Yellow Pages, for example, has totally removed all of their
dating listings and encourages other directories to do the same.
The concept of searching for that 'special someone' online harks back
to the mid-90's, when the Internet was in its nascent form in terms of
widespread consumer use. Among the pioneers was Match.com, which
was launched on April 21, 1995. The enterprise is now a massive conglomerate,
sporting about one million paying subscribers from more than 246 countries.
It is estimated that more than 60,000 new people across six continents
register on the site every day, joining the 15 million people already
looking for love. The parent company now operates 30 dating sites in 18
local languages.
While Match.com is one of the larger and more prominent dating
sites, others have experienced similar massive growth in user participation
and subscribership. There seems to be no end of people who are willing
to put their life's details online for millions of people to view.
But, is this development a healthy one? Does online dating represent
a positive development in male-female interaction? Many experienced users
of such sites have good reasons to respond in the negative, positing that
the cons far outweigh the pros.
It is the endemic lying that lies at the bottom of most complaints. You
simply can't trust what you see and read in a person's dating profile
because it is far too easy for a person to deliberately misrepresent himself
or herself. Cheating to gain an advantage, especially when seeking a mate,
is probably as old as humanity itself. On dating sites, it has been definitively
demonstrated that by falsely placing a picture of a better-looking person
in a profile, and/or by dramatically overstating one's income, an online
dater can exponentially increase the number of daily responses that he
or she receives.
A recent Cornell University study focusing on online dating found
that most online users do, in fact, lie about one fact or another. About
52.6 percent of the men in the study lied about their height, as did 39
percent of the women. Slightly more women lied about their weight (64.1
percent) than did men (60.5 percent). When it came to age, 24.3 percent
of the men were untruthful, compared with 13.1 percent of the women.
The cheating appears not to be limited to users, however. A number of
lawsuits have been filed against some of the larger dating sites, such
as Match.com and Yahoo Personals, which accuse them of participating
in "date bait." The complainant in one California suit claims
that specific dating site employees pretend to be regular subscribers
in order to flirt with members. The lawsuit further alleges that online
daters are often "date baited" just as their subscriptions are
about to expire. Victims receive "winks" and e-mails designed
to trick them into renewing their membership. It was also asserted that
certain employees had a "quota" of "dates" that they
had to respond to on a monthly basis.
Not surprisingly, Match.com responded to the noted suit by stating
that the claims were baseless. Still, one has to wonder what kinds of
tactics dating sites will be forced to employ when the number of new signups
inevitably slows down. It is very much in their best interests to retain
as many subscribers as possible, and what better way to do so than to
dangle a carrot in front of an individual's face as their subscriptions
are about to expire?
Getting back to the users themselves, as previously noted it is simply
too easy to lie and then hide behind the anonymity that the Internet provides.
If one could compile a list of the most common untruths and half-truths
communicated through dating sites and what they truly mean, it would look
something like this:
- Honest, I've never tried this before. — "I've
been on here off and on for quite some time. I just get tired of people
rather quickly."
- Not serious, just curious — "I'm involved with
someone but getting tired of the person and looking for something better.
If I don't find it, I still have the security of this other person.
Therefore, I have nothing to lose."
- My friends convinced me to do this — "Great excuse,
making it sound like I'm not desperate when in fact, I really am."
When in doubt, blame it on someone else.
- I'm separated — "I'm still not sure if I'm going
to get divorced but our marriage isn't working out so this is the perfect
excuse for me to cheat on my spouse and be forgiven." This
is, in effect, a "get out of jail free" card.
- Body type = Curvy/Few Extra Pounds — "I'm extremely
overweight but don't want to admit it."
- I don't smoke — "I only smoke in social situations
when I'm drinking."
- You're the only one I'm communicating with — "All
of my options are still open and if someone else better comes along,
I'll go with the flow."
- I love children (common with men) — "I'm not really
into a women that has children. I'm just trying to make you think I
am."
What are the worst dating sites, you might ask? Here are two of the most
blatantly odious:
SugarDaddie.com: truly the bottom of the barrel. The women on
this site are basically nothing more than prostitutes, although they try
to justify it by saying things like, "I have to be attracted to,
and like the person."
AdultFriendFinder.com: what else can you say about a site that
caters exclusively to people wanting to have sex and engage in orgies
and swinging?
Match.com (and others that are similar such as Date.com,
Yahoo Personals, PerfectMatch.com, uDate.com, etc.):
these are mainstream mid-level dating sites. Most people start with one
of these sites. Although the true intentions of the people on these sites
are not as blatantly sexual or materialistic like AdultFriendFinder.com
and SugarDaddie.com, they can also be dangerous because you don't
know the person's motive. At least with the two aforementioned sites,
you know what you're dealing with up front.
Conversely, eHarmony.com is by far the best way to meet people
on the Internet. The site weeds out a lot of the "bad seeds"
because their interview process is extremely extensive. Anyone who takes
the time to answer all of the questions in the survey is more than likely
serious about meeting someone and not just looking for a fling. In many
cases, you don't even get to see a photo of the other person until they
either allow it, or if you have reached a state of open communication.
Our experienced online dater says: "Although eHarmony is the best
site out there, you still have to be careful, and as for all of the other
online dating sites. Bottom line: Don't waste your time. There are better
places to meet quality people."
Given this culture of deception in the online dating subculture, it is
not surprising to hear that many people have had to endure a "nightmare"
date or two. Dennis, an online dater who has met over 50 women in about
five years, describes such an encounter thusly:
The craziest woman I met online was a woman I met who was living in
Florida. She had two different personalities. One when she was sober
and another when she was drunk. We were actually starting to get to
know one another and met in person several times. One night, we decided
to go out dancing. We get to this club and she starts throwing back
the drinks. After that, she left me hanging and I saw her talking with
other men. She totally blew me off. I approached her and said that I
didn't appreciate what she was doing and that I was going to leave.
She reluctantly decided to leave with me so I could take her home. On
the way home, I told her that she was very disrespectful towards me
and I didn't appreciate it. She started to scream profanity at the top
of her lungs about how I was not in control of her. The screaming went
on for several minutes. I kept quiet because I was just trying to get
her home and get out of there. She continued screaming at me.
Finally, I said, "Can you please just shut up!" She then
took a ballpoint pen and started stabbing me furiously in the arm while
I was driving. This went on for 10 minutes. I'm driving and trying to
avoid the stabbing at the same time. I finally pulled over right at
her house and ran out of the vehicle. She then chased me and started
throwing rocks at me. I then called the police on my cell phone and
they came down. The police officer said, "Sir, You're not the first
person who has been through this with this woman. We've been down here
several other times before." They asked me if I wanted to press
charges but I declined. However, my arm was black and blue for two weeks
from the stabbings.
During this process, she managed to cause $3k worth of damage to my
car with the rocks she threw at it. So, my insurance company decided
to pursue her for the damages. After about a month, I received a phone
call from the insurance representative and she said, "We're no
longer going to pursue this matter because the woman claimed that you
tried to have your way with her." Obviously, this was not the case.
I never laid one hand on her.
When asked about his overall impression of the online dating scene, Dennis
said: "As with anything, nothing is 100% and you will occasionally
find decent people on these dating sites but the chances are very slim.
My buddy and I love to meet new women, but we look for other ways to get
in contact with them."
Interestingly, online dating sites are not regulated by Federal law yet,
though some U.S. states have bills to regulate them to protect users from
criminals or predators. For instance, California,
Florida,
Michigan,
New
York, Ohio,
Texas,
and Virginia
have already passed state bills to regulate online dating sites.
In conclusion, the online dating craze refuses to die and is now even
extended to the morning and evening commute. Amazingly, Flirtingintraffic.com
allows people who glimpse someone they're attracted to in another vehicle,
to actually get in contact with the person. Participants put stickers
with codes in a prominent location on their vehicles. Interested parties
can copy down the code, and enter it into the appropriate place on the
noted Web site for more details. Legitimately, some worry that driving
around with what amounts to an online ID tag on your car is not only unwise
but a bit creepy, especially considering how much information some people
put on the site.
So, the race to the bottom continues and online dating sites march on.
Despite its glaring deficiencies as a communication medium, literally
hundreds of thousands of people around the globe are signing up each and
every day. It seems that as long as the Internet exists, people seeking
to find love will frequent it, hoping to find that once-in-a-lifetime
hookup.
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